In a town, with so many faces, and so many of those
faces driving after the same passion and dreams you have, one would think
finding friends, real close friends would be easy.
You read about it all the time, a celebrity break down,
the attempted suicide, the accidental drug overdose. We have all read the tabloids, watched the news cast, TMZ,
and had the bewildered, judgmental face. “What?! Why?! They had
everything!?” 
Well as we age, and get older, slightly wiser we, or I have come to realize “having everything” or
even in my opinion just having a little something doesn’t mean a thing if you don't have anyone to share it with, to talk about it with, experience it with. A best friend, or maybe that one love,
a confidant if you will. For me it
is that person who fills me with “why not?” There are so many “why’s?” in this world. Why do that? Why would someone want to see that, that’s been done, etc. I crave people with “why not,” to put
it in the simplest of terms, its my favorite. Now in this town creativity is constantly buzzing around. I mean you are surrounded by it, yes
endless sketches and funny videos are posted constantly poking fun at this,
they guy in the coffee shop pounding away on the keyboard writing his blog. (um…no comment)
People Brainstorming ideas, taking and idea and following it down the road a ways. Actors rushing from audition to audition, changing in their cars while rehearsing lines out-loud. Writing, exploring, dreaming, singing. Its here this city is about creativity, and yet, with all that it can be so hard to actually connect with one single person on a deeper level.
It truly can be a crowded lonely city.
It truly can be a crowded lonely city.
Sure you can get caught up in all the
hoopla of Los Angeles. The clubs,
the bars, the “scene.” And for
some people that might just be the answer, but for me I found that was no solution. At one point, I spent quite a bit of
time at the bars and clubs on the Sunset Strip. Can I tell you how many friends I have from that era of my
life, and im not talking about facebook friends, I mean friends, you actually
see, spend time with, all those “why notters” I crave. Zero, notta, zilch. All those forgotten drunken nights, money
spent, lost memories, and blurred visions got me absolutely nowhere and
nothing. So I avoid that now, or
maybe im just old I don’t know?
Now this isn’t meant to be some “whoa is me blog,” Im trying to relay a point, a glimmer, a thought into my personal life.
Yes, like so many of us, I have many parts of my life I
wish I could relive. Play out
differently, different choices, but if I really have to think about it,,, would
I? I mean all those moments and
times I spent doing whatever, have shaped me who I am today, right? So if I was to change that would I be
me? I recently well, recently as
in a little over a year ago decided I was not going to drink any more, not for any other
reason then I love life and I want to remember it all, I want to feel! Good, bad, I desire to feel it all and
let it shape me.
I recently found myself in a position of feeling utterly
alone. Again how is that possible CJ? I have friends, I have facebook, twitter, I have my gym? (I do love my gym) But as life likes to throw
you curve balls, my "why not", my creative partner, confidant, my best friend but more
then that, a piece of my family, can no longer be that person. Life moves forward, and unfortunately
the new equation in this persons life does not have the room for me. Are we friends yes, will we talk of
course, do we have creative projects in the works that will move forward? Yes. So what is the big deal CJ you ask? It sounds fine, well I don’t really know how to pin point
it, but that person I had, to talk to, to run constant ideas off of, that
person that just lights up your day just because, well can no longer be that. Does that make sense, have you
felt this, has this happen to you?
I know I am not the only one, right? Ok ok, cry me a river CJ, I know. But when you find that friend that just
gets you, really “gets” you, well that’s something special. When you have it for years, in your
head it will never end, then one day it does. Well I will let that will take me back to my original
statement.
In a town, with so many faces, and so many of those
faces driving after the same passion and dreams you have, one would think
finding friends, real close friends would be easy.
When faced with this statement, when you feel like no
one gets you or understands, it makes all the more sense to me when I read
tabloids, celebrity drug scandal, alcoholism, attempted suicide, overdose
etc. We all remember Britney
shaving her head right? I’m not at all saying I know on her
level what she went through, but for gods sake she had been working none stop
since what, 13 years old? But regardless I kind of feel like I understand, maybe just
a little. Feeling alone, unable to
connect with someone who actually understands, etc. Now as stated earlier, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I am
not a godly or religious person.
What I have are, “treats” red velvet cake, Ben & Jerrys American
Dream Ice Cream.
Of course these are not good either. Especially as an
actor who tries to stay fit and trim.
But really all I think we ever really want, or I want is a person, or two
that you really connect with. That
person when your on vacation and see a, fill in the blank, your first
thought is, “Wow, I know who would love to see this!”
Of course these are not good either. Especially as an
actor who tries to stay fit and trim.
But really all I think we ever really want, or I want is a person, or two
that you really connect with. That
person when your on vacation and see a, fill in the blank, your first
thought is, “Wow, I know who would love to see this!” 
I think we need that, we crave that, at least I do, we
want to be heard and share. So
really no matter who you are, what you have, how much money you have, my
thought is, it doesn’t matter, who you share it with is what matters, well at
least for me.
Why am I writing this blog, how am I any different then
anyone in any city around the world who feels the same way and just wants to
connect with someone? Well I’m
not. I know making friends and
keeping them is a two-way street.
Do I really try hard enough to connect with other people, do I try hard
enough to stay connected with the few friends I have? Probably not, but I felt that being this is a blog about my
life, my thoughts on acting and my adventures in the city of angels that comes
from acting this blog was relevant enough to share.
As for my recent dilemma, I really don’t have an answer. I miss this person in my life dearly. I miss something as simple a random text message saying "have a great day, good luck!" I leave myself to feel it, to grow from
it, to use it while performing, to be my own "why not," but none of that makes it any easier. Yes I have a few friends
here, but most friends end up more of acquaintances in this town. Not for anyone’s fault, really people
are busy, it’s a creative town, everyone is trying to do their thing, to make
it.
