JackRabbit 29 (pt.1)

(Hello friends, it has been a minute since my last blog, so this will be a couple parts, enjoy)

Well its been quite an exciting couple months.  It started with an audition, that well to be totally honest an audition I almost didn’t attend.  (WHAAAAT!?) Ok that sounds horrible, I’m an actor and getting any audition, period, is always awesome so let me clarify.

I was double booked.  The day of my audition, I was already booked for a gig (grateful) which was located and hour and half away.  I also had to be on that set 2 hours after my audition.   However, being that I truly appreciate every audition I receive I decided I must go.  You can't let ANY opportunities pass you by. 

(above original hand written sides
sides for audition)

The audition was for a feature film called Jackrabbit 29, coincidentally written and directed by Kyle Klubal who I had played a small role in one of his Grindhouse Trailers the year before.  However he did not remember me at first, but after a brief introduction Kyle looks at me and says “you look, familiar?” I started to reply “yes last year I was…” and Kyle yells out “NAILS IN THE CHEST GUY!”  Yes that was me.

(above Nails in the Chest Guy
"Zombies in the Basement")

So I sit down in front of the camera and about 5 other people and proceed.  After the audition, that in my opinion for a cold read wasn’t too bad, I jet off to my gig.  

(original call back email)

A few days later I get an email requesting a call back for the role, I respond “I will be there and thank you!”  The call back is more intimate, no camera, no reader, just me and Kyle.  He then proceeds to give me more of the back-story of my character, and the script, and that he is having a very, VERY hard time casting this role.   Oh great I think to myself, no pressure hah!  So a little more nervous, we start running the scenes, he re-directs, I change my choices and we re-read the scenes.  Kyle lets me know that I will have an answer by today or tomorrow at the latest one way or the other. 

   

As an actor at this point and time you are SUPPOSED to let it all go.  You can quite literally go insane pulling out your hair dwelling on getting cast. 

You don’t think about it, don’t dwell on getting the part, there are so many variables working, 99% of which you cant do anything about… too tall,  too short, wrong hair color, you look and remind them of someone they don’t like (yes this happens) etc etc… so you are supposed to walk away knowing you did all you can do and move on.  I of course did not, the fact that they were having such a difficult time casting the part, and I really enjoyed plotline that was explained to me only made me want the role that much more, which kept me constantly checking my phone for emails and missed calls of which I had none.  By the end of the night I was sure I did not get the part.  I went to bed and the next morning, Monday morning which is my favorite day of the week (truth) I got up to go to the gym as per usual.  Well, while I was showering I received a phone call.  When I saw the missed call and voicemail from Briana the producer of the film, I prepared myself for the rejection that comes all to much with being an actor.  After a minute, which felt like hours I check the voicemail and get the message “We would like to offer you the role of Cameron, please give me a call back.” 

(orginal email casted
for JackRabbit 29)

YAY, BOOKED IT!  My first feature film, JackRabbit 29.

P.S.  You will receive a copy of the script in a day or so and we start filming in a week.  Hah... Not a lot of time to prepare. 

Part 2 to come soon... pics from set :) 

(week 1 of 4 shooting schedule)

...why not?

In a town, with so many faces, and so many of those faces driving after the same passion and dreams you have, one would think finding friends, real close friends would be easy. 

You read about it all the time, a celebrity break down, the attempted suicide, the accidental drug overdose.  We have all read the tabloids, watched the news cast, TMZ, and had the bewildered, judgmental face. “What?! Why?! They had everything!?”  

Well as we age, and get older, slightly wiser we, or I have come to realize “having everything” or even in my opinion just having a little something doesn’t mean a thing if you don't have anyone to share it with, to talk about it with, experience it with.  A best friend, or maybe that one love, a confidant if you will.  For me it is that person who fills me with “why not?”  There are so many “why’s?” in this world.  Why do that?  Why would someone want to see that, that’s been done, etc.  I crave people with “why not,” to put it in the simplest of terms, its my favorite.  Now in this town creativity is constantly buzzing around.  I mean you are surrounded by it, yes endless sketches and funny videos are posted constantly poking fun at this, they guy in the coffee shop pounding away on the keyboard writing his blog. (um…no comment)  

People Brainstorming ideas, taking and idea and following it down the road a ways.  Actors rushing from audition to audition, changing in their cars while rehearsing lines out-loud.  Writing, exploring, dreaming, singing.  Its here this city is about creativity, and yet, with all that it can be so hard to actually connect with one single person on a deeper level.

It truly can be a crowded lonely city.

Sure you can get caught up in all the hoopla of Los Angeles.  The clubs, the bars, the “scene.”  And for some people that might just be the answer, but for me I found that was no solution.  At one point, I spent quite a bit of time at the bars and clubs on the Sunset Strip.  Can I tell you how many friends I have from that era of my life, and im not talking about facebook friends, I mean friends, you actually see, spend time with, all those “why notters” I crave.  Zero, notta, zilch.  All those forgotten drunken nights, money spent, lost memories, and blurred visions got me absolutely nowhere and nothing.  So I avoid that now, or maybe im just old I don’t know?

Now this isn’t meant to be some “whoa is me blog,”  Im trying to relay a point, a glimmer, a thought into my personal life. 

Yes, like so many of us, I have many parts of my life I wish I could relive.  Play out differently, different choices, but if I really have to think about it,,, would I?  I mean all those moments and times I spent doing whatever, have shaped me who I am today, right?  So if I was to change that would I be me?  I recently well, recently as in a little over a year ago decided I was not going to drink any more, not for any other reason then I love life and I want to remember it all, I want to feel!  Good, bad, I desire to feel it all and let it shape me.

I recently found myself in a position of feeling utterly alone.  Again how is that possible CJ?  I have friends, I have facebook, twitter, I have my gym?  (I do love my gym)  But as life likes to throw you curve balls, my "why not", my creative partner, confidant, my best friend but more then that, a piece of my family, can no longer be that person.  Life moves forward, and unfortunately the new equation in this persons life does not have the room for me.  Are we friends yes, will we talk of course, do we have creative projects in the works that will move forward?  Yes.  So what is the big deal CJ you ask?  It sounds fine, well I don’t really know how to pin point it, but that person I had, to talk to, to run constant ideas off of, that person that just lights up your day just because, well can no longer be that.   Does that make sense, have you felt this, has this happen to you?  I know I am not the only one, right?  Ok ok, cry me a river CJ, I know.  But when you find that friend that just gets you, really “gets” you, well that’s something special.  When you have it for years, in your head it will never end, then one day it does.  Well I will let that will take me back to my original statement. 

In a town, with so many faces, and so many of those faces driving after the same passion and dreams you have, one would think finding friends, real close friends would be easy. 

When faced with this statement, when you feel like no one gets you or understands, it makes all the more sense to me when I read tabloids, celebrity drug scandal, alcoholism, attempted suicide, overdose etc.  We all remember Britney shaving her head right?   I’m not at all saying I know on her level what she went through, but for gods sake she had been working none stop since what, 13 years old?  But regardless I kind of feel like I understand, maybe just a little.  Feeling alone, unable to connect with someone who actually understands, etc.  Now as stated earlier, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I am not a godly or religious person.  What I have are, “treats” red velvet cake, Ben & Jerrys American Dream Ice Cream.  

Of course these are not good either.  Especially as an actor who tries to stay fit and trim.  But really all I think we ever really want, or I want is a person, or two that you really connect with.  That person when your on vacation and see a, fill in the blank, your first thought is, “Wow, I know who would love to see this!” 

I think we need that, we crave that, at least I do, we want to be heard and share.  So really no matter who you are, what you have, how much money you have, my thought is, it doesn’t matter, who you share it with is what matters, well at least for me. 

Why am I writing this blog, how am I any different then anyone in any city around the world who feels the same way and just wants to connect with someone?  Well I’m not.  I know making friends and keeping them is a two-way street.  Do I really try hard enough to connect with other people, do I try hard enough to stay connected with the few friends I have?  Probably not, but I felt that being this is a blog about my life, my thoughts on acting and my adventures in the city of angels that comes from acting this blog was relevant enough to share.

As for my recent dilemma, I really don’t have an answer.  I miss this person in my life dearly. I miss something as simple a random text message saying "have a great day, good luck!"  I leave myself to feel it, to grow from it, to use it while performing, to be my own "why not," but none of that makes it any easier.  Yes I have a few friends here, but most friends end up more of acquaintances in this town.  Not for anyone’s fault, really people are busy, it’s a creative town, everyone is trying to do their thing, to make it.  

Follow your Passion!

So I don’t claim to be a some great magnificent actor. I really don’t even claim to be some good actor, I’m just some guy who fell in love with acting, performing, and possibly getting the chance to do or say one thing that reaches one person on some level that they connect with.  If I do that, then I am a very happy person.  

That all being said, I am rather new to acting. I didn’t move to LA to be an actor. In fact, I never, ever would have even thought of it.  I moved here to play music, start a band and well...rock.  But the universe had a different idea, and as the stars aligned, I kinda fell ass backward into acting.  I was smitten, and a little over 2 years ago I had this moment of “wow, this is how I want to spend my life, this is the hardest, most rewarding fun experience I have ever had and I don’t want it to ever end”. 

Now contrary to what you may think, acting is not glamorous. Its the furthest thing from it actually.  It’s uncomfortable itchy heavy winter clothing in 100 degree weather, lying or sitting ass naked on rocks and debris, face in the dirt for 12 hours mixed with fake sticky blood, and lots of sweat.  If you’re shooting a Blistering Cold Winter Scene, you can bet your ass it’s the middle of summer and 100 degrees out.  On the other hand if it’s a Summery  Swimming Scene in the ocean,  well, it’s 50 degrees outside and the ocean is freezing.  But to say that, and still say it is the absolute most fun I could have, then I think, maybe, I am doing something right.  I feel very fortunate for this, to know what I want to do and love it. Everyone should have this,EVERYONE- Follow your passion! 

This very short two second clip of me

playing a dead Viking Guard, I laid in the 

dirt for 4 1/2 hours, in sticky fake blood.

Man I had to pee, HAH! 

CJ Brady as Viking Guard on HBO's True Blood

Erics Flashback Scene. 

Now like mentioned before, I am new to acting.  It’s been an experience. I absolutely had NO idea how to act, or what acting was.  A brief example of this is falling into my very first real role in a short film with actual dialog, before I had decided I was going to pursue acting as a career. I was, well a wee bit FREAKED out!!  So I asked a buddy of mine, an actor named Jonathan, if he could help me with the part and what to do, because I had NO IDEA what to do.  He agreed and I promptly set a time to meet up.  

"Oh jesus, what have you gotten 

yourself into this time you stupid,

stupid little boy"

coming to Jesus moment

Above pictured CJ Brady as "Casey"

in The Pleasure of Purr Company 

at The Raven Playhouse

Now, to emphasize that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, I am going to give you an example of what I expected to happen next... I sent him a copy of the script, drove to his house, and I had assumed in my head that he was going to tell me exactly how to say my lines.  Because I thought, that’s all acting was right?  You just say lines, because actorsknow how to say them better than regular people.  (I know I know)  So... I had expected him to say, “Okay CJ, you say this sentence like this, and this word say it like that.  Look up here, and down here”. 

Ok, ok seriously, I know how this sounds and it’s really very embarrassing I know, but I like to live on “front street” -  I believe in just putting it all out there, being upfront and honest.

So I had no idea of any process that actors used or go through in order to create depth and meaning to simple words on paper.  (and FYI, that’s what we get... just words on paper)  Well, long story short, my mind was blown, my eyes were opened, and an entire new world just opened up to me.  I was excited....and scared shitless. “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?!”  ...I’m not going to dwell on this for too much longer, maybe this will be another blog later but for now, I want to get into my point of this story and how it intertwines with the play I am in.  See “First Kiss."

So one, of the biggest things I have learned about acting, is that it is about “making choices”.  You make choices and commit to them.  Since I have started acting I look at film, TV, and plays in a completely different light.  Now, anyone who knows me will attest that I tend to be a bit overly optimistic and positive, this is true.  But now even more so when watching a movie or television show.  Now I see the actor making choices, good bad, great... whatever opinions I have, I try to respect that the actor made a choice to do that, and yes OF COURSE along with the direction of the director, script etc, (I’m not trying to exclude any other talents on set..) but a choice the actor has made.  I respect that, and in fact get very excited about it, even the smallest choices like “I drink out of my coffee cup now” choice.   During the run of the play, I have come to realize as soon as you do something live like a play, and you make your choices on that stage, many of your family and friends all of a sudden become “directors” and “critics” and you start to hear feedback like, “it would be funny if you said this instead of this”  or “I think you should do this instead of this”  Everyone has an opinion, much like watching a movie when you see the hot girl run into the woods and you yell, “you dumb bi*ch now you’re going to die, hey good, good scream a little louder, I don’t think the axe murderer heard you?!?!”  Except in this situation, you’re friends and family have a voice and your ear to speak into.  

My character "Happy" in the play

Hollywood Positive at The Raven Playhouse.

"laid back, hippie, harmless, stoner nice guy"

Choices made.

photo credit - Every Candid Moment Photography 

Now feedback can be good to hear, insightful even, as well as a boost when it’s positive, but I guess what I am trying to say is you kind of have to filter what you’re going to listen to.  So about 4 shows in,  (took a while, I know) I came to the conclusion that everyone and their mother is going to have an opinion,  but an ongoing  play really seems to be a living, breathing thing, it keeps evolving and changing slightly night to night, and that’s part of the thrill I fell in love with.  

Yes, it took a while, but I had concluded that I had made choices for my role, for my character,  and was excited and happy the work I had done.  I guess what I am trying to say is, sit back and enjoy the show and maybe get moved a little bit, or hate it and and let that move you as well, but the last thing the actors need to hear is what “you” would have done, or how “you” would have written or said that. Because really, if that’s the case, then the only thing stopping you from going out and doing it yourself is you, and I highly say DO THAT. It’s an amazing experience I wish everyone could have.  Follow your passions!   

"First Kiss" ...well on stage

above pictured CJ Brady as “Happy” 
Alara Ceri as "Ally"
photo credit - Lisa Leonardi-Knight

Moments leading up 

to the kiss, “Ally” 

thinking “Happy” isn’t 

interested tries to back 

out of her flirtation.

At the moment I am in a Play, Hollywood Positive, its my second play ever, and I am loving it, in fact last night we changed the ending of the play, my last scene…my self and my scene partner, who is also the playwrite Alara Ceri, we were just never happy with the ending, it didn’t feel like an ending.  So, Spoiler, last night I had my first on stage kiss.  This moment will stay with me forever.  Much like a first kiss, I was nervous, my heart was beating fast, 5 minutes before going on, I ran to my car, rinsed my mouth with Listerine, brushed my teeth a bit, and my tongue (TMI), and devoured wintergreen Altoids, up until the last second of me stepping out on stage.  It was all worth it, I loved the new ending, and I heard at least one person kind of gasp when I went in for the kiss.  It was magical, well for me anyway, I cant speak for Alara.  

CJ Brady as "Happy" and Alara Ceri as "Ally"
in Hollywood Positive at The Raven Playhouse
 photo credit- Lisa Leonardi-Knight 

"Happy" finally makes 

his move, and is happily

received by Ally. 

photo credit- Lisa Leonardi-Knight 

Hollywood Positive at 

The Raven Playhouse